2012 - May

Super Star

There was an emotional, mental, spiritual and physical emptiness that generated a big black bottomless hole in my life; a hole that seemed to devour everything in my wake leading me one step further into addiction. Within me was an empty and insecure feeling with moments of failure taunting me that became ever present each day upon waking. Finding distraction from these feelings seemed to be the only thing that satisfied and blurred the incredible bone deep ache of not belonging, of not feeling well enough. I wanted to get rid of this emptiness I felt that was really a mask of the pain I was harboring deep inside of me. And for the longest time, I only knew one way to do that; by using drugs. But I didn’t learn that concept of masking feelings through use of drugs or alcohol all on my own.

Little did I know coming into contact with a specific bar stool would bring me an opportunity to see more deeply how my life has been impacted by addiction and what price it has cost me and my family. I’m reminded about the impact that addiction has had on important relationships in my life. Addiction infiltrated my family long before my addiction. My father had his own battle with alcoholism. This bar stool was symbolic of my father; it was a stool he frequented often as he sat at a local bar drinking. I was thinking the other day as I was looking at this bar stool how some people may have looked at my father as an alcoholic. He had a claim to this bar stool which he put a gold plate with his name on the back of. While some might have seen him as having a problem with alcohol, or someone who spent a lot of time at this bar or maybe even as someone who was just a fun guy to be around; to me he was my father.

This made me think how sometimes things are exactly as they appear to be. How people that don’t understand the disease may look at one with addiction as an “addict” or “alcoholic”. Yet to others we are so much more. We are a brother, a son, a daughter, a sister, a husband, wife, uncle, aunt, grandparent, friend, life partner. We are truly so much more than just our disease.

Because of his addiction and mine, I lost out on time with my father. My father has passed away and that time I lost with him has slipped away, forever. It is time I can never get back. While it is not healthy for my recovery to become stuck in the feelings of loss, it is feelings I have had to face in order to move beyond. Today I’m grateful that the last time I saw my father I was sober and in recovery. I know that he is watching over me with pride for the man I have become.

About the Author

Super Star, yes that’s his legal name, is the key spokesperson for We Are One. He is also a musician, author and a former owner/president of a successful, cutting-edge computer consulting firm who lost it all to a drug addiction. This journey through addiction and into recovery has led Super Star to find his passion within. He has subsequently rebuilt a life of purpose and commitment geared toward anti-substance abuse campaigning. He made the courageous leap to relentlessly pursue his vision and make it a reality. He found the resilience to bounce back and persistence to keep pressing forward when doors kept closing in front of him. He overcame obstacles with a creative boldness to invent the life he was born to live. Super Star penned the critically acclaimed book, The First 30 Days to Serenity. Alongside his twin brother, Super Star co-created Serenity, a CD featuring a host of world renowned artists. Super Star is a sought after speaker for schools, events, radio, television and print, sharing his knowledge and experience. Super Star’s goal is to engage others in vital conversation about the impact of substance use disorder and enable them see that there is a light out of the darkness; that there is HOPE. Super Star communicates in an honest and effective manner offering inspiration and hope to others through his powerful message of rebranding sobriety and dream catching.

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Comments (2)
2 Saturday, 19 May 2012 10:36
Brenda C.
Really captures about how history of addiction in family can play a role in addiction. Thanks for sharing!
1 Tuesday, 08 May 2012 14:52
Lance Rome
i liked the read, and the story...1. because I can relate, and 2 it has a moral to it! great job...

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