by James A. Baker

Dear AngerManagementSeminar.com:

I just wanted to take a minute to write and tell you how much your program has helped me. To be honest, I was one of those people who didn’t think I needed to take a course because my anger wasn’t my fault; it was the fault of all the unreasonable, irresponsible people around me. I blamed my wife or my kids or the government or the weather for my destructive outbursts. Your program really opened my eyes and now, for the first time, I really have hope that I can change. Thanks for providing such a great resource.

Hopeful in Houston

Dear Hopeful:

Thanks for taking the time to share your feedback with me. It is encouraging to hear from people who are winning against anger. As we say all the time, keep working the program, and it will work. However, it is not all smooth sailing from here on out.

For an anger addict, getting anger under control sometimes feels like trying to nail 
Jell-O™ to the wall. It’s just not easy to do. As you work to overcome your anger problems, remember that recovery is a process, not an event. This means that you need to work on your anger control issues every minute of every day, week after week, month after month, year after year.

Accepting the fact that you have an anger problem doesn’t magically and instantly solve your problem. Anger addiction, like other addictions, is deeply rooted. You have to keep choosing to not lose control over and over again, sometimes several times in the same conversation!

And because you are human, and because this is a process that never stops, you can expect to have both good days and bad days. No one is expecting you to be perfect. Accept the fact that, like other addicts, you need to keep working on your anger problem for the rest of your life. Over the long haul, you will get better. But understand that every day will be a battle. 
A Final Few Words

Please remember, conquering anger addiction -- like conquering any other addiction -- requires lots of courage, honesty, hard work and patience. If you are an addict, expect this to be the fight of your life; probably the fight for your life. Embrace the Anger Busting principles and let them become a part of who you are. You will continue to have slips, but you will also begin to have more wins. Over time, the way you think and feel and choose will begin to change. Will you ever be completely free of this struggle? Probably not. Can you learn to control this anger so that it doesn’t continue to hurt you and those around you? Absolutely.

Living with an anger addict takes every bit as much courage, honesty, hard work and patience. If that is where you are today, please try to have realistic expectations. The addict in your life is going to slip, in spite of the fact that he may be sincerely and faithfully following the program. When this happens, it might not be the end of the world or the end of the relationship. Just hang in there and don’t be afraid to follow through on your part of the program. If he gets up and gets back in the game without blaming you or anyone else, that would be a very good sign. Only time will tell. As you put this workbook down and get ready to work out the principles in your life, take a moment to soak in the wisdom of this old American Indian fable:

Two Wolves

A young Indian boy sought comfort from his grandfather after being unfairly treated by the older boys in the village. The lad was hurt, confused, and very angry. He was spoiling for a fight. 
"Young one, I too have experienced these feelings many times,” the old man said. “I have seen much sadness and felt many cuts in my heart over many years. So often it has felt like two strong wolves were fighting to be the Great Chief of my spirit."

”What were they fighting about, Grandfather?” inquired the boy. 


”It seems to me that one wolf is good,” he replied. “He is wise and strong and tries to see past the hurt and look for ways to heal.”A look of profound sadness momentarily clouded his eyes. He seemed to shudder slightly as he pulled his blanket more tightly around his shoulders.


“But he is fighting against a very ferocious warrior.” Grandfather’s voice was distant and wistful, like he wasn’t really talking to the boy anymore at all.

“That other wolf is so angry, so bitter and vengeful. He seems to want only to deal out pain and destruction until his appetite for rage is fully satisfied.”

He turned his attention once more to the boy. “The battle between these two wolves is always fierce,” the grandfather explained. “And it is a fight to the death.” 


With a wide-eyed and worried look, the boy exclaimed, “Oh Grandfather, which one will win?"

Grandfather let out a long, wistful sigh and simply said, "The one I feed, young one. The one I feed."

At least you now know you have a choice to feed something else besides your anger. That is a great step forward.