by BagheadSponsor

Now, you'll get your fill of this topic in meetings, around dinner tables, in emails and electronic greeting cards, I know. But, I have a little different take on it that I'd like to share with you... Just in case!

It's so easy to rattle off a list of things I'm grateful for... My home, my family, my friends, my sponsor, my sponsees, my meetings, the fact that we have plenty of food and that the city I live in is full of great people. Yadda yadda yadda...

While I think it's a great exercise, to list things I'm grateful for, I am of the opinion that the application of the principle of gratitude is what actually makes a difference! And, when I actually apply the principle of gratitude, which is the quality of BEING grateful... I can get a real shift in perspective, which is the ultimate goal. to shift my own way of being to one of gratitude takes a level of humility... For example, if I am really going to intentionally generate the quality of being grateful, it's almost always necessary for me to first put aside all of the "shoulds" I so often carry with me: the ideas of all of the things I don't have that I should, where I should be, who I should be, who should be with me, and how things should be different. To get there quickly, I like to tell myself to "Should up, already! Nobody wants to hear your sob story!"

So, "shoulds" aside, I can take a moment-- and sometimes it takes several moments-- to really create the feeling of gratitude. One way I can do that is to sit in appreciation of my life today, in comparison to what it was before. Regardless of my financial circumstances, my surroundings, my belongings, my career-- if I will be still for a moment, there is always the fact that today I am sober. And if I am sober, I have a chance. A chance at what? Anything. And that, my friend, is the possibility of sobriety... Anything. Anything is possible, if I stay clean and sober.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I got clean and sober, I was a prisoner in my own mind. And my mind was a savage, hellish kind of place. Much like an actual insane asylum, my experience of the inside of my own head was that there was no knob on my side of the door, and my life was in danger. My gray matter was thick with resentment, ill will, revenge, jealousy, envy, pride, self pity, rage, contempt, profound sadness, overwhelm, a sense of impending doom, and certainty of life long captivity. My marbles were chipped and dirty. My dreams were shattered. My eyes were blank. My life was empty.

Sounds like fun, eh? So, if you're anything like me, you'll remember that state of mind. And, if you're anything like me, you'll remember the tiniest light of hope glimmering in the eyes of the men and women at your first meeting. It was as if that tiny light was the light of hope, dare I say, for myself. It was not that I believed that to be true, it was not that I felt safe relying on that hope, but it was in fact that I longed for that possibility so badly, that I was willing to throw in the towel and do my best at giving it a shot. The possibility of sobriety-- real sobriety, full of joy and freedom-- was before me, and I was ready to give it all I had. Mostly because I had nothing worth salvaging, and the possibility of anything more than what I had was worth one more attempt to live.

So, I went for it. I went for it the only way I knew how-- savagely, full of rage, full of contempt, and full of fear. I was nothing less than a disaster. And, yet, here I am today with almost two decades of sobriety. Life has more meaning today than I ever thought possible, and I really do know a power greater than myself-- My whole outlook upon life has changed. For that, I am truly grateful.

I hope that you will take a moment to reflect on the gift of your sobriety, and the possibility of your sobriety that is waiting to be fulfilled upon. Happy bird day! Until next time-- don’t drink, drug, or try to off yourself!

Xoxo, BagheadSponsor
Recovery Worth Recovering For