by Earnie Larsen

"WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE ALL THESE DEFECTS OF CHARACTER

At this point, reflecting on the 6th Step, of the process of the steps taking us more deeply into our recovery, I hope many dots are starting to connect.

By that I mean clearly seeing "the problem," and therefore clearly understanding and building on "the solution." And that solution is all about growing spiritually – which is all about gaining the skills to connect and stay connected in the Fellowship with God, self and others.

I'm talking about understanding that it is our character defects that block spirituality from entering or growing in our lives. That's why Steps 4, 5, 6, and 7 are worded as they are. It's why character defects loom large in the 12 Step understanding of recovery. Character defects are the guard dogs we put around the "hole in our soul" so we don't have to face our fear of Fellowship.

(Remember, the question is never one of absolute abstinence or not. The question is HOW does a person best maintain that abstinence and move ever further into the life of the promises. The 12 Step way repeatedly tells us that the best way is by finding and dealing with our defects of character.)

So of course we need a step that tells us HOW to deal with those character defects! The 12 Step way tells us we need to become "entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character." We need to change our "old normal" (step 4) for a "recovery normal" (all the steps.)

Many profound explanations on what step 6 means and how to best work this step are available. Some of these explanations take the step word by word and give them a deeper meaning. These explanations can be found in previous year's excellent series on the steps in ------name of paper. Or maybe you are one of the fortunate folks who were taken through the step classes as part of your home group. It's all good.

DOING LIFE IN PRISON

What I'd like to do here though is take a side step. I'd like to share a letter I wrote a man in prison who is embracing recovery and working the steps as best he can. This letter is not other than step 6. Rather it is a real life, practical application of the meaning of the 6th step (as it connects to the previously mentioned "connect the dots" elements in recovery.)

This man's name is Steve. He's doing life in prison with the chance of parole. At his father's direction and under his influence Steve shot and killed two men when he was 18. He has spent the last 26 years in prison as a consequence of his actions. His father committed suicide soon after Steve's trial. Steve doesn't know if he will ever get out of prison.

But even in the midst of this terrible situation many of us could not imagine Steve is doing a heroic job (it seems to me) keeping his spirit up and accepting each day as it comes. I couldn't imagine a situation where ones character defects would become a huge liability than were Steve is now.

Steve and I have been communicating a long time but with a bit of editing I think you'll be able to pick up the thread of our talks well enough and how they are expressions of the sixth steps. The letter went like this:

"You mentioned you were going to re-evaluate your life and check out your attitudes. You 'wanted to find out where you are and who you are" were your exact words.

Taking stock of your life is always good, no matter where it is done. No matter what is in front of us it is always better to walk forward into our future rather than back into it and then wonder, "How did this happen?" Or "Why did I do that?"

But Steve, it makes all the difference in the world when evaluating self and your life where you start from! Make sure you are using the right lens to view your life through.

If you start by standing in the old normal and the old lies of what you learned from your father you will always come out as "no good, not enough, a screw up who was never good enough and deserved everything he got."

I'm telling you Steve (again) NOTHING GOOD can ever come from using that lens. You had lies pounded into your spirit. They became character defects. And following those character defects led to all the misery in your life.

Everything is different as you begin to stand on the "island of recovery" we've been building all these years. We are building a new place for you to stand. A place where you count, are worthy, have rights – a place where you ARE good enough, where you are worthy of every blessing, human and divine. It's a place not ruled by fear, rage and despair. It's a place called Recovery. The road that leads to this blessed place is called spirituality. And spirituality is all about letting people in. It's about learning trust and the ability to forgive, let go and more on.

I'm not kidding about this Steve. And yes I know where you are. But prison is a where a lot of good men learned lessons they probably wouldn't have learned anywhere else.

I don't accept your earlier comments that, "I don't deserve better" and "alone is the only way I know. I trust no one." That's your father talking! Those were his lies pounded into you as a child when you couldn't defend or protect yourself. But that isn't now. Now is the time for you to take back your inner life. Now is the time for you to stand up and decide who you will be and what road you will follow.

You are NOT the old lies. You are NOT your character defects. Now is the time for you to become ready to have the God of your understanding lift you over all those ugly lies. I call you a champion because that is who you are. The tragedy for you is that you were never told this truth every day of your life as you were coming up.

YOU CAN DO THIS. Your spirit depends on it. Just as we started so long ago Steve, you cannot at the present time see the truth about yourself. The only lens you have to look at yourself through is full of ugly, miserable lies. Do you remember a few letters ago when you told me, "I think maybe I am beginning to believe that I might be worth something." You said, "I feel like I am beginning to have more confidence in the thought that I am a good person regardless of what I've done in the past."

Keep on "beginning" Steve. THAT is the right path. Do not allow your past or your character defects to define you. You are NOT the lies that have lived in you so long. Demand the truth for yourself. And the truth is – you are a champion.

So as you step back and take stock of yourself and your life, make sure you standing on and starting from solid ground. And that solid ground is the place we are making as you become ready to leave your character defects behind and move into the far better place of recovery.

CHAMPIONS

We end all the classes I teach (and learn from) at the Salvation Army by me shouting, YOU ARE CHAMPIONS! Then I shout out to the 100 or so men there, "Who are you?" And they scream back, "Champions!" We repeat that call and response three or four times. At the core all we are doing is working the sixth step. And so we say to any and all who read these words, "Who are you?"