“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

It looks like school is about out. My old way of thinking still wants me to think and act like I’ve finished something when, in fact, I haven’t been doing a program but going through a never-ending process. The more I practice it, the better my life’s experiences get.

Doing Step Twelve

What is there to actually do in this Step? It’s time for me to reflect on what I’ve been through and decide if it’s worth continuing. Actually all I’ve done is learn the tools needed for me to take control of my life. Now it’s time to determine how far I really want to go with the process.

In order for me to make this decision I must list ways in which the Twelve Steps have helped me to experience the joy of living. I must look at the story of how a caterpillar is transformed into a butterfly and see how that story applies to my life. What spiritual awakenings have been the most rewarding for me? How can I further enhance my spiritual awakenings? I must evaluate my current relationships with my family and friends and how they compare to my previous relationships.

I must ask myself if I’m willing to carry this message to those in need. If so, how do I plan to do this? Given my expanded self-awareness from working the Steps, am I now clear that I will never have enough insight into another’s life to tell them what is best for them to do? Am I clear that sharing with others can do more for me than it can for them? I must understand how carrying the message is an obligation I have to myself. I must examine the degree to which I rely on my Higher Power. I must understand the progress I see in myself as a result of completing the Twelve Steps.

In short, I must take an inventory of everything I’ve gone through in this process and see if it’s worth making a total commitment to. Is my spirit really better off by having gone through these Steps.

What has happened?

After answering these questions, I have no doubt that something has happened to me. I see the world completely different than I used to. One of the biggest differences is I have more choice. Before cleaning my life up I had few choices and my life was very predictable. Since I had become unaware of any other kind of lifestyle, I had lost the idea of life being a series of choices to determine what kind of experience I was to have. The idea of making a choice that would serve my needs over an extended period of time was foreign to me. All those years of drinking and drugging had reduced my life to no choices. Only after looking back do I see how the amount of freedom I have is determined by the amount of choices I have. I had imprisoned myself with my substance abuse problem.

I also learned through these Steps that it’s easy for me to fall back into the trap of forgetfulness. I still forget that I must be doing all the Steps simultaneously for the Twelve Steps to work. The only way I can stay aware of what I’m capable of is by attending meetings and listening to my peers talk about themselves. This reminds me of what I need to be working on. This seems to be the secret of increased choices in my life. Staying in Thy will and not mine, questioning my behavior and owning it. With this formula I can reach the serenity that was promised me.

I think back to the beginning of my journey and remember what one of my teachers told me. He said, “If you take these Steps as serious as you took your drinking and drugging, you will one day wake up on an island of sanity surrounded by a see of insanity.”

AND SO IT WAS...