“Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all”

I must never forget that in order for these steps to work, I have to be doing the previous steps simultaneously. I have to be in a state of humility (powerlessness), be practicing faith that all things occurring are in my best interest and be able to talk about what’s really going on inside of me. By this time I will most likely be in a constant state of confusion and a bit overwhelmed with the world. Although my life appears to be changing, the world doesn’t seem to be impressed by what I’m doing. It seems to be going on with or without me. This takes some adjustment since I thought the world revolved around me. I’m only beginning to understand the words “Doing life on life’s terms”.

Doing the Step

Step Eight is the foundation of Step Nine. It is where I take Step Four to another level. Remember, I began making a list of my resentments and the people I have harmed when I was doing Step Five . I need to get that list out and begin looking at it in a different way. Although I’d finally admitted what I was responsible for, I haven’t done anything about it. Step Eight is the beginning of doing something about it.

I must understand that love/acceptance is a key ingredient in this step and my reward is the principle of brotherly love. I must give myself permission to even think about going through this process. In order to do this, I must list what I believe the benefits will be for me in making these amends. Can I think of examples in my life when I was unwilling to make amends and it has caused me problems? What do I think making amends to myself means? What will be the benefits? In what ways can I change my attitudes? To whom? Am I willing? I must list situations in which I have cheated others. How will I make restitution? I must cite examples of passing judgment on others and harming them and myself. Why does reconciliation with the God of my understanding require reconciliation with others? How does the God of my understanding’s love for me enable me to love others? What do I expect to gain by giving to others? What major character defects caused injury to me or others? What consequences do I fear in making my amends? Why is forgiving myself an important factor in the amends making process? I must list the major way in which I have harmed myself. How will my recovery be hindered if I am unwilling to forgive myself? In order for me to be complete with this step I must be in a state of humility.

Listening to the Step

The great advantage I have in listening to this step is that I already have a relationship with this person. I have taught him through self-disclosure that he can be honest and open with me. I must remember this step can be a speed bump that causes many to relapse. My self-disclosure is a big part of this process. I must share with him all the problems I had learning to do this and all the rationalizations I came up with to not be thorough. I must convince him that all the doubts he’s having are normal and he will not be alone while going through the process. He will have his higher power and me if he believes in a higher power, or he will go through the process with me if he’s still not sure about the higher power thing.

Again, this must be a learning process for him. He must relearn how to think in order for his spirit to truly change. I must also remind him that this is not about other people forgiving him, but only about taking responsibility for his part of the experience (cleaning his side of the street). He must begin learning the concept that his problem is not how others are treating him which he has no control over, but how he is treating others which he has total control over. He must hear this concept from me over and over until it becomes an automatic thought when situations occur that cause him pain and/or confusion.

If I can get him comfortable with owning his part in any situation that arises, then sobriety, serenity and peace of mind are sure to follow.

Know this: “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”
-David Brinkley