by Bill Loving, MD

Alcoholics and chemically dependent people certainly don’t act normal when the disease starts to flourish. They are out of control eventually in every area of their lives and have multiple self-imposed losses. In fact the only guaranteed way to have a dysfunctional life (not to mention dysfunctional family and relationships) is to be alcoholic or chemically dependent. This disease produces the height of dis-order, dis-control, and dis-function—anything but normality.

The transition from the out-of-control life of the alcoholic/addict to that of a person in recovery is a rocky one. After detox, post acute withdrawal, and the early phases of recovery comes a gradual return of appropriate function. With AA/NA involvement this function becomes shaped by the step work, feedback from sponsors, feedback from other AA members, and by the many aphorisms and sayings in AA.

Honesty and accountability are two vital traits of sobriety. Isolation is replaced by a new sober support system consisting of other recovering people and meetings. The language used in meetings and among other sober people really supports a return to more normal function.

Sayings like “one day at a time”, “let go and let God”, “surrender to win”, and “keep it simple” are tried and true aphorisms that a wise old grandparent would say to advise their younger loved one. The Serenity Prayer is often repeated and it contains a philosophy of life that must be one of the secrets of living a balanced life. These oft repeated words of wisdom are good reminders for recovering people of how to live gracefully, humanely, and effectively in this world. The group support helps these ideas sink in.

A psychoanalyst who knew about recovery once said to me, “The only good thing about being alcoholic is you get to go to those meetings.” Newcomers do not always feel that way, but as one grows in recovery they become grateful for the 12 step program.

People who do not have the disease (80-85% of the population) do not have such supportive groups to go to, and don’t have frequent reminders or tips given to them on how to live sober and balanced lives. “Normal” people don’t usually do an inventory of their lives, look at their contribution to problems, or examine their own character defects. Oh, some do that in analysis or therapy or counseling, but not as a part of a supportive community of people all striving for the same goal, i.e. a sober lifestyle. You could say chemically dependent people/alcoholics “get to” do a 4th and 5th step, go to those meetings, and be involved in sponsorship.

All of this work in 12 step meetings and the program helps a human being live a high functioning life (pun not intended) – one that is not controlled by impulses. Becoming wise, self-examining, accountable, honest, open, and non-judgmental is part of the program of recovery. Then, to top this off, giving back to others is the 12th step, and promotes caring for others and spreading this whole philosophy. That is why it can be said truthfully that a person in recovery becomes “better than normal.”