Give to Keep

Sobriety lives at Steps 10, 11, and 12, and Step 12 is really the “crowning glory.” The “old timer” helping the “newcomer” makes for growth of the program, continuation of the traditions, and sobriety to really set in for the “old timer.” Who gets the crowning glory is debatable in this process—the sponsor or the sponsoree? Well, really no one gets glory or a crown, but both parties benefit tremendously.

The sponsoree has a chance to be mentored, and this may be the first time he/she has received such benign teaching or help from a more experienced adult. He can learn to trust, to be somewhat dependent in a healthy way, and be guided by tried and true principles of living through the Steps. He can benefit from the traditions and ways of sobriety handed down through the history of AA and NA. It would be interesting to see a family tree of sponsors and sponsorees through the history of the program.

The sponsor, I believe, probably receives the most benefit. The sponsoree will have a chance for this crowning glory, too, by finally getting to Step 12. Imparting the principles and fundamentals of living a sober life truly helps the sponsor learn what sobriety is all about. In medical school it was said to learn how to do an operation you have to “see one, do one, teach one.” Then you really have it. The sponsor gets to teach about sobriety, and this is when he/she can really have it.

The founder of the volunteer program where I work, Scott, has often told me that the sponsors and temporary sponsors are really the ones that profit the most from the volunteer program. As I am just discharging newcomers from the treatment program, I have been more concerned about the newcomer getting all they need to enter recovery. I know these newly discharged patients profit if they can accept help from the old timers, AA/NA volunteers, or sponsors. It is gratifying to see this happen, but Scott has finally helped me understand how valuable this experience is for the sponsor or temporary sponsor. It really helps the sobriety set in and bring these old timers to a new level of sobriety—an even more profound, gratifying, and likely, lasting level of sobriety.

If you look at the eyes of the newcomers, sometimes they are dull, confused, and lack a spark unless the spark is out of fear. Look at the eyes of someone later in sobriety, especially those that are sponsoring others, and you see a different kind of spark. It is a gleam—a spark that is like a luster, and reveals a state of life that anyone would want to have for themselves. The fearful spark eventually turns into that lustrous spark as the person moves through the 12th Step.

Every year Scott and I have a celebration of sobriety with the other volunteers. I initiated this little breakfast where we recognize the valuable service of the volunteers-- almost like an awards banquet. Scott said, “Oh no, our reward comes in the service, so let’s just call it a celebration of sobriety.” Of course, he was right. We came up with a little button we hand out to everyone involved that says simply, “Give to Keep.” I believe this is the shortest way to express the 12th Step because you have to give it away to keep it. I encourage everyone in recovery to work your way to the 12th Step and then actively do it.