Paper Therapy
Overcoming chronic forgetfulness in recovery

Most of us suffer from chronic forgetfulness. How many times do we learn something life-changing in a therapy session, in a Twelve-step meeting, or in a book --- only to forget it within a matter of days or even moments? When someone in a meeting shares something brilliant, we think, “Wow, that’s brilliant!” But it’s not so brilliant that we actually take it away from the meeting and apply it to our daily life. Or we read something in a book and think, “This will really help me to move forward.” Then we forget the idea entirely with the quick turn of a page.

Throughout my personal growth work, I have frequently forgotten ideas that are actually very helpful to me. Just as a muscle that is not used atrophies, techniques and concepts that are not practiced fall away. This may sound simple (and it is), but I learned to write important ideas onto sticky notes, and then to post the messages in places where I will see them often. My former therapist, Thom Rutledge, calls this post-it note therapy. I discovered that post-it note therapy not only assisted me in remembering important concepts, but it also helped me to actually commit to putting these ideas into action.

In my early recovery from anorexia and bulimia, Thom said that I would notice real change if I practiced separating from my eating disorder and making room for myself, but I almost always forgot to practice this separation. I finally decided to attach sticky notes throughout my home that read, “Separate, separate, separate.”

I firmly attached one of these notes to my bathroom mirror. Each time that I looked into the mirror and heard a negative thought about my body, I read the message and remembered to separate from that thought. As I grew stronger in my ability to separate from my eating disorder, this note was replaced with one that read, “Disagree and disobey.”

I had to learn how to disagree with and to disobey my eating disorder as well.

Later on, when I was working on incorporating spirituality into my life, a note sat on my breakfast table that read, “Did you pray?”
When I read the note, I would think to myself, “No, I didn’t pray.” I would remember how much my friends in Twelve-step meetings talked about prayer and its importance. As my prayer muscle developed, praying became second nature to me, and I no longer needed the note.

I had thought that Thom had cornered the market on paper therapy until I met Ann, my new therapist, who has an affinity for index cards, which it turns out are just as helpful as post-its. During our therapy sessions, Ann would write helpful reminders on index cards and give them to me, and I would place the messages throughout my house. A couple of years ago, when I was working on de-cluttering my home and creating a healthier living space, she wrote, “I will not put anything on the floor, and I will not work on writing projects while things are scattered all over the floor.” As I sit here writing this article, my home is relatively straight, and nothing is scattered about on the floor.

When I was practicing making decisions for myself, Ann wrote on an index card, “I can choose what I am doing fully in the here and now.” I would see this card on my desk and remember that I am an adult capable of making up my own mind.

I soon discovered that I could be my own paper therapist. I frequently place inspirational quotes in different parts of my home. Anyone who enters my home knows what I am working on in terms of personal growth.

A quote on my dry-erase board used to read, “If you always look behind, you never know what lies ahead.” I needed to read this over and over again to remind myself to stop letting the past ruin my future. (It turns out that a dry-erase board works just as well as paper!)

I used to work in a treatment center for eating disorders where the patients wrote inspirational quotes to each other on all of the mirrors in the house with dry-erase markers. The patients who lived downstairs wrote messages to the ones who lived upstairs and vice versa. Some of the messages read, “You are deserving and loved,” “You are beautiful inside and out,” and “One day at a time.”

A note hanging on the refrigerator in my kitchen now reads, “Happiness is a journey, not a destination.” When I see the various notes throughout my home today, I do my best to stop, to breathe, and to actually read them. (Ignoring the messages has never been very helpful and has only added clutter to my home.)

A great idea becomes transformative when we remember it and when we actually put it into practice. Now that is something to take note of!