Printable Version
The Twelve Steps - Step I
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable
First, I should explain that I see life from a possible two points of view. One is thinking about it and the other is doing something about it. There are those who want to study and talk about the cosmos while there are those who want to go and experience it. Thinking, studying and talking about walking on the moon is not the same as the actual experience of walking on the moon. Many times in my recovery I have thought about what I should be doing but didn’t change my experiences because I didn’t take action. Until I take action, I cannot hope to change my experience. This idea is the basis of everything I do and the message I give those who wish to begin “doing” the steps. If I ever hope to change my life experiences through the Twelve Steps, I must not only listen and think, I must take action.
Taking the Step
Step One is the beginning. It is an action step. I say action because I must literally come to the conclusion that I am powerless with alcohol/drugs and to continue my intake of any mood-altering drug will result in experiences I do not wish to have any longer. Understanding that will give me permission to take the action of not drinking/drugging.
How do I do this? I must ask myself a few questions to prove to myself that I really am powerless over alcohol/drugs. I must ask how my use of mood-altering drugs has endangered my life and the lives of others. What behaviors have I exhibited that I’m ashamed of when I’m under the influence? What behaviors do I have when I’m using that my family and friends object to most? In what ways have I tried to control my use of alcohol/drugs? I must realize that I act differently when I’m under the influence by remembering when I started out in control but then lost control by drinking or drugging. I must understand that I do become a different person when I begin using by recalling episodes when I was not taking alcohol/drugs and those around me were. What did that feel like? Who or what have I blamed for the consequences of my abuse? What has stopped me from taking action on this problem I have?
After writing the answer to these questions, I must try to sell myself that my life is unmanageable. I must first understand unmanageability by defining it. I must then look to see how my life has become unmanageable in the following areas. How do I see myself? How have I managed my relationship with my family, friends, job, physical health, sexual life and spiritual life?
Then I must ask myself if I have much of a future if I continue to use. Last, I must ask what feelings I have tried to alter through my use.
Hopefully, having answered these questions honestly, I can determine on MY OWN FREE WILL that I need to address my substance abuse problem.
What I have just discussed is how I looked at my substance abuse problem from the user point of view. Now I will address Step One from the one who is listening to this step.
Listening to the Step
I have listened to hundreds of steps and have come to understand that my part is simple. I’m not there to fix or even change anything but only to listen and give feedback on what I heard. I will naturally hear denial because they are not at the stage of knowing they don’t know. This is important for me to understand; otherwise, I will get involved in fixing them rather than supporting them. I’m not in charge of changing that person but only guiding him if he chooses to listen. I must always keep the ball in his court.
Basically, they have to convince me they’re a alcoholic/addict. As they’re answering these questions, I’m asking myself if I believe what they are saying. When I don’t believe them, I tell them, “I don’t believe you. That sounds like it’s not that big a problem.” or something to that effect. Usually this will give them the opportunity to look deeper into their story getting more honest with themselves. I’m also teaching them how to talk to me. This will also teach them to question their thinking.
It’s not unusual to hear a first step and when it’s over for them to ask if they could give it again at another time. They’ve realized they haven’t been completely honest. I tell them not to beat themselves up over this experience because they actually were being as honest as they could. That’s how the disease stays in control.
The first step is only the beginning. It has to create the foundation of rigorous honesty. They will need to practice rigorous honesty in all the other steps if they hope to change.