The Twelve Steps - Step II

First, I should explain that I see life from a possible two points of view. One is thinking about it and the other is doing something about it. There are those who want to study and talk about the cosmos while there are those who want to go and experience it. Thinking, studying and talking about walking on the moon is not the same as the actual experience of walking on the moon. Many times in my recovery I have thought about what I should be doing but didn’t change my experiences because I didn’t take action. Until I take action I cannot hope to change my experience. This idea is the basis of everything I do and the message I give those who wish to begin “doing” the steps. If I ever hope to change my life experiences through the Twelve Steps, I must not only listen and think I must take action.

Taking the Step

The first step has to do with admitting I’m lost, confused and need some help. Step Two begins answering the question, “What do I do now?” It is a thinking step, not an action step. To put it bluntly, it’s moving out of my will. In the depths of my addiction, I didn’t trust anything I could see so what would make anyone think I was going to follow something I couldn’t see?

In the beginning, the idea of trusting something else as a source of information was a concept I’d never considered. Asking for help was a suggestion that created a feeling of being weak. I had to override this feeling with practicing “Fake it till you make it”.

So I had to begin asking myself some questions.

If there was a Power greater than myself, what would it be like? I’d have think back and try to remember any spiritual experience I might have had in my past. Have I ever thought something other than I myself could make my life better? What happened in my life that caused me not to trust anything other than myself?

After answering these questions, I had to create a Higher Power I could live with by asking myself these questions. How do I expect to be treated by my Higher Power? What does trust or faith mean to me? How can I tell when I’m practicing faith? How does faith and trust help me believe in a Higher Power?

I then must ask if I’ve ever blamed my Higher Power for anything. Also, how does my relationship with my Higher Power improve my competence in dealing with my life? One of my main questions was: If I had an interview with my Higher Power, what would I ask?

As I was thinking about all this, I began to realize I’d always had a concept of a Higher Power but I’d not thought about it. As I was in the depths of my addiction, I’d become so self-serving there wasn’t room for anything else in my life. I didn’t realize the walls I’d created to keep everybody out were actually keeping me locked inside. Step Two got me to rethink the Higher Power idea.

Listening to the Step

When I listen to a Step Two, I’m listening for a couple of things. I’m not looking for a concept of a Higher Power created from another text. I’m focusing on getting that person to tell me about a Higher Power of his understanding, not that of someone else. It’s not unusual to hear someone begin giving me a biblical answer. I don’t have problems with the bible, but I want to hear about the Higher Power of their understanding, not the Higher Power that someone else understands. I want them to come away from the step with a beginning of a personal relationship with this Higher Oower. I tell them that before it is over, their Higher Power will be as real to them as I am sitting there. In order for that to happen, they must begin questioning themselves on what they actually believe. The relationship has to do with an understanding not from hearsay, but an understanding created by personal experiences. Those kinds of relationships have substance to them. I want them to realize that I’m real to them because of their experiences with me and their Higher Power can be that real also.

I’m also watching to see if they have any humility while they are presenting the step two. Humility comes from the experience of the first step. It is my belief that one cannot truly do the second step without being in a state of powerlessness. I had to be humble in order for the Higher Power concept to take root.

For me, the second step is open-ended. The more complete my picture of my Higher Power becomes, the more understanding I have of the significant of this step.