Counselors Retire - Memories Don't

Athletes, entertainers, business leaders and politicians, have called press conferences to announce their retirement plans to spend more time with their family, go fishing, or write their memoirs. Some later soured on the tedium of retirement, ingeniously reinvented themselves and successfully resumed their pre-retirement careers. Others were not so fortunate replicating past glory days. Upgrading their fishing gear may have been a better choice, but satisfying the ego trumps common sense. Since my life doesn’t attract that level of attention, I just feel like saying, I’m retiring from counseling and taking along with me, a flood of memories. One of my fondest is my first year as a clinical intern.

What started as simple curiosity about addiction and recovery, evolved into my bitter-sweet seventeen year journey that officially began in l991. Counseling was a second career move after many years in the hospitality field and decades-long dependence on alcohol. My story is typical. Drinking infiltrated and devastated every little nook of my life. Too many folks were hurt by my addiction. Many abandoned my sinking ship, bemused by the karma that caused their lives to intersect with mine and had forced them to endure the folly. It was not a pretty picture, but that was then.

Until getting sober in 1987, my life had been characterized by unbridled impulsivity. Rarely, if ever, did any of my erratic decisions fall on the side of good. The process of sobriety had toned down the high octane energy of that defect, but it could be ignited to full force in a micro second. That became evident as I presented myself on the doorstep of La Hacienda Treatment Center in February, 1991. The purpose of the visit was to talk to them about joining their clinical intern program sometime in the future. With minimal discussion and far less mental deliberation, I slammed on the breaks of my previous life. I signed up for their two year program at the staggering rate of $2.50 an hour and started my counselor intern career immediately. Additional benefits included a small, but comfortable furnished room and all the food and snacks I could devour. Although a novice in addiction treatment, I was no slouch in the food and goodies department.

I apprehensively began my first assignment. I was to mingle among the patients during the evening hours and remain vigilant for any irregular mood or situation that needed diffusing. That was uncharted territory because I had always been in the business of creating strife, not diffusing it. Thankfully, most evenings were uneventful during my orientation period. As time passed, I began to see the consistent connection between patient mood and their telephone calls home. Another reoccurring event, was a patient’s spontaneous decision that they were “fixed” and ready to prematurely leave treatment. During those early times, I was petrified that I would say or do something that would literally destroy ones’ early struggle with abstinence and future quality of life. I ruminated incessantly until a colleague reminded me that I was neither that important, nor influential. He followed up by suggesting that I review the Twelve Step program for confirmation of that fact. Ouch! That feedback dispelled ego-inspired thinking about my role, and helped to set a course for a more relaxed and mutually productive internship.

For the most part, I enjoyed my interning duties, but periodically had fleeting thoughts about leaving the counseling field, for a variety of reasons. There were a number of factors that kept me planted, but one important ingredient was the camaraderie of the intern staff. We all came from diverse backgrounds, but the underlying motivation for being there was consistent. That factor allowed us to bond more quickly than otherwise would have been possible. Our closeness minimized the stressful challenges of working with newly recovering addicts and with each other. I’ve since lost track of those folks, but I cherish the memories of that brief period of time in my life and those unique connections.

I left the intern program after one year, which coincided with my passbook savings account registering zero balance. I continued my training in a variety of treatment venues and have always been fortunate to work in challenging and gratifying counseling positions. Also, on two more separate occasions, I had returned to La Hacienda to work as a counselor. What I had come to believe and experience over my years there, was that many miracles happened and not just for those seeking treatment.

All things considered, it’s been a rewarding seventeen years. There has been the inevitable second-guessing of career choice, typical job stressors, and sadness about so much human suffering and loss. But, there have been moments of profound joy when I’ve been privileged to witness individual and family healing. It’s a noble career when chosen for the right reasons. It’s not a good choice for accumulating wealth, seeking approval, or achieving immediate result. There are many rewards, but most are immeasurable. Each of us chooses where to devote our energy and what values are important to us.

I may be retiring, but my memories are not.