by Heather Klem

The final stage in the three A’s is Action. Once we have reached a place of awareness and accepted our truths, circumstances or pain exactly as it is, we have opened ourselves up to effective action.

When I first learned of the three A’s, like most other endeavors I have undertaken in my life, I assumed that I needed to agonize over the specific action I would take to move out of my mental discomfort. More often than not I wanted to throw acceptance to the wind and immediately take action. I was often looking for a perfect solution. I worked tirelessly to etch out a course of action that would breed the outcome I desired. I reasoned that I had accepted the current situation and now I was in a place where I was ready to change. Yet I had still hitched my star to a specific outcome. My motive was to procure the result with which I was most comfortable. I was forcing a solution. This required another layer of consciousness to tap into, that rolls back into acceptance. Am I trying to force a specific solution because I believe it will breed a desired end result? I have found even if I do achieve the outcome I had in mind, it seldom brings the peace or contentment I had believed it would.

Action is not about reaching a perfect, desired end result in which all of our problems dissipate and instant relief is produced. It is not about a pure moment of clarity when the clouds part and an ideal solution is revealed to us. Sometimes the action to be taken is clear cut and decidedly more simple than other intricate situations in our lives. Making poor financial choices has a distinctly simpler path of resolution than would determining how to handle one’s unhappiness or feelings of inner emptiness. This stage of action is less about perfect resolution and more about acknowledging that we have choices. Our individual choices, that which is right and appropriate for us, are as varied and unique as our specific strands of DNA. That which will bring me peace and facilitate the change I need to manifest is not the precise recipe that may bring another serenity.

Action is about knowing we have choices. This basic realization has brought me so much relief. I came to a place where I didn’t need to react to situations out of old, dysfunctional ways and from a distorted belief system. I learned that I had a choice; I didn’t need to react. I could choose to respond. Just the mere acknowledgement that I am not tethered to my past defenses brought relief. If someone hit a tender spot inside of me, I didn’t need to act reflexively. I could choose how to respond in a way that maintained my personal boundaries and honored myself. When interacting with others, I must ask myself whether I am actively making decisions about how to respond or passively reacting. Reacting usually comes from a place of fear. When I pause, and consciously choose to respond to another person’s words or behavior, I am taking effective action. Sometimes we don’t make the appropriate choice, sometimes we select the wrong action. Regardless of what action we take, we come to a greater awareness of ourselves and what we are truly seeking. Action dips and folds, cycles back into acceptance and propels us forward in a different direction, all the while aiding us in our journey of personal growth.

It is also important to acknowledge what action is not. Action is not steps I take in attempts to control another person, or procure a specific outcome. It is important to examine my motives when considering whether or not to take a particular action. If my motives have anything to do with trying to change other person then I need to stop. Taking action is about ways in which I can honor, love and respect myself in life and in relationships.

There are times that my action has been about fostering a certain image to other people, or about pleasing another person in general. I have so often believed that my problems could be remedied by placating other people or helping them see the error of their ways. When I am trying to control the way another views me, or taking action to satisfy another, I am not working towards authenticity. The practice of gently and lovingly examining my motives has enabled me to illuminate the effective action that best serves me.

Sometimes action is deciding not to take action. I have been known to intellectualize, analyze and agonize over what appropriate action looks like. I have found the one liner, “When you don’t know what to do, do nothing” unsavory. At times this slogan has served me, as I am wont to plow ahead, bulldozing ineffective areas of my life without really examining what it is I truly desire, or the motivating cognitions behind it all. Sometimes we need to wait until more is revealed. It may mean praying, meditating, consulting mentors, sponsors or professionals or trusted friends. If taking action feels too dire, it is a red flag. Why do I feel the need to make an immediate decisions? What is fueling it? Too often outcomes are forced in an effort to move out of a painful place, without much forethought. It is important to be tuned into the reactive part of ourselves that compels us to act. This does not apply to those who are in physical danger where immediate action is required to ensure safety.

Today I know that this final step of action is not conclusive. It, too, is ever evolving and its faces are fluid and many. Action is not a finite, grand gesture. Often, it is small advances that aid in our greater effort to make permanent changes in our lives. Learning to love and accept myself has been a series of opaque actions, a myriad of minor, daily decisions that are about honoring myself. Most actions do have consequences. Good or bad, right or wrong, they still contribute to self awareness and encourage a greater understanding of what does and does not serve us. We must give ourselves permission to change our minds about what is working for us at any point in time. What appropriate action looks like is variable and subject to change based on the person, a circumstance or scenario. This step of action is anything but final. Action facilitates greater awareness, which restarts the sequence. At nearly every point in our lives, we will find we are at some stage of one of the three A’s. We are on a perpetual journey, constantly flowing and growing. Sometimes we are in a accelerative trajectory, often we backtrack and inevitably we have periods of stagnation. No matter where we find ourselves on our personal path, we can be assured that if we remain open and willing, no matter what we are experiencing, we will be moving towards that rich space that facilitates healing, growth and peace in our lives.