“Americans are addicted to being something they’re not. They’re addicted to things,” says Oprah. Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now: “Things and conditions can give you pleasure, but they cannot give you joy.”

Brad made an appointment for counseling by explaining that he was addicted to shopping, fast food & internet porn. I thought – wow – he’s so American. If you have ever been so stressed or anxious that you’ve reached for the closest piece of chocolate or run for a quick latté to make yourself feel better, you can relate. It’s so common to reach for the quickest relief advertisers recommend when we’re overwhelmed, stressed or anxious.

Most of us long for more happiness, but don’t always know how to achieve it. For a long time, I didn’t either. I grew up in the quintessential addictive home – alcoholic mother, sports and gambling obsessed dad – abuse, depression and anxiety. Today I know how to let go of the “down” feelings and create peace and happiness. I’m not saying every day is a JOYfest - I have my challenging days too – that’s life. But, I’ve found a secret. The key is to go into, rather than away from upset. It’s paradoxical, but when we use body-mind strategies, like those in Intentional JOY we move through stress and upset much more quickly. That’s freeing.

Are we all addicted?

Stress & anxiety are at the highest levels I’ve seen in 30 years. The economy is a big driver, but it’s exacerbated by the amount of change and loss occurring – job, home, security, and the fact that we’re not taught how to take care of ourselves in pro-active and loving ways.

Escapes do sort of work - a glass of wine (or 3 or 4) or a hit of pot, or shopping, food, distract us from life problems, but don’t solve them. If you find yourself relating, take a breath, and try to be nonjudgmental. I’ll talk about solutions soon. Here are the top 3 Lite addictions, or guilty pleasures, people use to cope with stress or anxiety.

Shopping: MyVesta, a web-based financial health center, found that 49% of survey respondents overspent. Experts say 5% of the U.S. population could be full-fledged compulsive shoppers.

Internet porn: Robert Wise, of Sexual Recovery Institute, Los Angeles, says 40 million Americans watch porn during a year and 10% to 15% of those are clearly addicted. Porn is a $10 billion industry in the U.S

Overeating & Fast food: In 1970, Americans spent $6 billion dollars on fast food while in 2001 more than $110 billion was spent.

You might wonder: “If I run to the shopping mall or eat at McDonald’s when I’m stressed, does that mean I’m an addict?” Probably not. Doing pleasurable things for stress relief is natural. The difference between healthy & addictive is answered by these questions: 1) Is my shopping (or whatever I’m using for stress relief) causing problems in my relationships? Am I lying about how much I spend or in debt over my head? 2) Is this behavior making me feel guilty? 3) Is the behavior – shopping, alcohol or prescription medications, causing me to miss work, or have money problems?

Let me make a distinction between hard addiction and “lite” addictive activities. An addict is someone who has lost the choice about how much or when to use and is having health, relational or money problems. If this is you, please seek professional help.* “Lite” addictions aren’t full blown addictions. There is still choice about whether to have, or not, the 2nd glass of wine. For example: Sally used to have a mocha latte once a week, now it’s every day and she craves it if she doesn’t have one. She’s gained weight and has trouble sleeping, but doesn’t make the connection between her symptoms and all that coffee she’s consuming. The problem with “lite addictions” is that the more we use them – the more they become habits. And, habits can become addictions depending on our family history and genetics. In a sense, we’re training our brains to rely on unhealthier forms of stress relief.

The solutions to stress, anxiety and the problems of life are not external (take another pill, build a bigger home, buy a better car) and because of the economy this option is less available today.

Body-mind strategies, such as conscious breathing, (take a few deep breaths…ah…), Emotional Freedom Technique, or imagery help you break the habits of stress.

When we consciously and deliberately take charge of stress and anxiety we have the ability to choose whether to have that glass of wine, enjoy a yoga class or take a fun walk with friends. As we take charge of stress pro-actively we create more JOY, satisfaction and freedom for ourselves, our families and by extension the world. (*FREE 7 ½ audio tips To Turn Stress into JOY at www.lynntelfordsahl.com)