“We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.”

I’ve been learning in all the Steps how to trust someone or something other than myself. I understand now my ism’s have been driven by my lack of ability to trust others. Although I was not sure about this God thing when I started; I’ve been able to create a trust in a system that seems to be working and I’m not sure why. There seems to be another force at work now and I’m learning that my happiness and peace of mind are dependent on my ability to trust. Now, when I hear the word God I have a personal understanding of what that actually means. It’s not someone else’s idea of what “God” is but an understanding I realized as a result of experiencing the consequences of getting out of the way. There is definitely something to this “my will/thy will” thing .

Doing Step Eleven

In doing this Step I must go through the same process I’ve been going through in the previous Steps. I must sell myself on the idea of doing something that doesn’t make sense. To help me with that goal, I must ask myself if I have caught a glimpse of God’s will. Have I experienced the realization that “knowledge of God’s will” comes to me only as a result of me surrendering my will? How does my ego get in the way of my relationship with God? What is my understanding of God’s will for me at this point in my life? I must identify situations in which I believe I have had a spiritual awakening. How has my relationship with God improved since I began working the Steps? In what areas do I have difficulty asking for guidance from my Higher Power? I must give examples that show my Higher Power to be a loving Power who has my best interests at heart.

What are my past experiences when I pray to God? What are my past experiences of meditation? In what ways do I feel uncomfortable when I pray to God for help and guidance? Because I have opened my mind to inspiration, in what ways have I discovered that meditation can reveal solutions I had not dreamed of? What resistance do I experience when I read the part of Step Eleven which states to pray “only” for knowledge of His will and for the power to carry that out? What thoughts have I had that I assumed were from God, only to discover that they were unconscious desires? What was the result of acting on these illusions? How is my own ego and self-will getting in the way of my praying for God’s will? I must give examples that show I am not putting demands on my Higher Power and am willing to let things work out in a natural way. In what areas of my life do I have a sense of gratitude? How willing am I to allow change now, compared to my willingness prior to working the Steps?

I know now that having peace and serenity is a result of living in a state of surrender, honesty and faith. Humility needs to be the driving force behind my creations.

Listening to Step Eleven

This Step is so rewarding to me. It’s as if I’ve had this small bird I’ve been teaching to fly and now I get the chance to see if it can fly. Until this point, all the tools were not available for this bird to soar and now I can see what all his work has produced.

I also have to begin the letting go process. Since the Steps began I’ve taken on the role of teaching by example so I’ve been practicing discipline, focus and faith. It’s time I take our relationship to another level. I must release my teaching role and start just being a friend, not questioning everything he’s doing and not asking why he is thinking or acting a particular way. I have to begin removing our dependence on each other.

This process can be hard for me because I truly care for this person. Whether I want to admit it or not, I do have an emotional attachment to this person’s serenity. I must remember that I’m powerless over him and my life will become unmanageable if I try to control him. I’ve done my part. Our freedom and serenity is directly related to our ability to let go of each other.