Twenty, twenty-five years ago, I used to hear the “Oldtimers” say they no longer worried about staying sober as much as trying to keep taking the next right step. I couldn’t imagine what they were talking about. Wouldn’t they always have cravings? Wouldn’t they always be rebuilding from the last plunder? Be it financial or emotional? I just didn’t have a clue, but then I also didn’t have long term sobriety.

Today after sixteen years I’m still not always sure, but I do know that in many ways life is better. I know that no matter what I will make sure not to use even when the cravings are at their highest. Yes, I still occasionally have them. I know it’s not a popular subject but it needs to be talked about once in a while. Why? No one is immune to relapse even after thirty years or more.

When I was first getting sober twenty years ago there had been a rash of “Oldtimers” who had twenty, twenty-five years of sobriety and then it was gone. Maybe they forgot . You can put the blame on many things such as there was a glitch in their program, but the bottom line is that maybe they forgot what hell they had already been through. Or maybe they thought they were cured and could finally drink socially despite the fact their past experiments had proven them wrong. Maybe life just happened and so did the drinking. We will never know unless we live in their minds and thankfully we don’t. I don’t know about you, but handling my mind is about all I can take.

With many more young people coming into the program today than before, this is a great time to mention that sometimes learning to deal with the day to day existence is just as important as long term sobriety. They are looking at looonng term sobriety. You have to figure if you get sober at twenty or even seventeen, and live to be seventy that your chances of remaining sober until death would be good. Don’t be fooled. Slow and steady wins the race, but life these days seem to be on a fast track. The chance of relapse is great, but luckily young people have choices and positive networks to pull from. They don’t have to let the mundanely aspects of every day life get them down. We all know them because we’ve all had them.

When I was single it was easy to not use. I set my own schedule and did pretty much what I wanted. Then I married and had a second family and everything changed, literally. Suddenly, I was doing the things I didn’t do well the first time. Many times I don’t feel qualified to be a wife and mother.

I love watching my daughter grow up, but with my son it was easier. I just took him to Grandma’s when it became too difficult to raise him. With the exception of her time at school, I’ve always been with my daughter and have been since she was born in 2003. I love her with all of my heart, but I now understand why tigers sometimes eat their young. (Go ahead and laugh, I do. For those of you with children, I know you understand.) It’s like living with Linda Blair in The Exorcist and Pollyanna, and I hear it gets worse with the onset of puberty.

Every day I feel very lucky despite it all. She’s never seen her mother stick a needle in her arm or her dad drink. She has no clue what beer is unless someone from school mentions it. She’s always been a part of my life of which I’m very thankful.

Marriage isn’t always a picnic either. Many of us have been through more than our share, but still we reach out for another one when the ashes of the last one have blown away. Hopefully we have learned from our past mistakes but not always. It’s work. It doesn’t help that we live in economic uncertainty. Divorce rates are high and don’t appear to be decreasing any time soon.

Some of the other difficulties of existing in today’s world are being able to adapt to all the constant changes. Addicts and Alcoholics aren’t always known for adapting. We’re living in some of the same conditions that were affecting Bill W. and Dr. Bob in the 1930s. High unemployment and low prospects are on the rise. Yes, people are trying to change the world, but it is a long, slow process. In its wake, many people will suffer.

It’s the time when we need to hold onto our faith to keep us going especially with the little things. They escalate so quickly and before we know it we are taking alleys of regret.

When we get to the doors of AA/NA/Alanon/etc., we are ready to learn a new way because we know our way doesn’t work anymore. It would be easy to drift back into the old ways when we find that things are going too slowly for our liking. It’s easy to forget that it takes longer to rebuild than tear down. Hopefully we will remember that there isn’t a difficulty in the world that working through the twelve steps can’t help. We can work just as hard on day to day issues as we have on getting sober and maintaining sobriety. If nothing else sometimes it takes our minds off the idea that we are the only ones going through this misery. We aren’t alone. Many people without a drinking or drug problem are facing these same issues. We are the lucky ones because we are never alone as long as we have a Higher Power and positive support group.